Tired of Myself

What am I even expecting these days?

Sometimes it feels like I am waiting on a miracle and not doing the right things to get it. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I should be farther than I am in life right now.

Every time I think I've figured out the path meant for me, something happens or changes my mind from believing so. I am tired of feeling confused and like I don't even know what I'm doing or why.

OYE is something that I know will stick with ,e the long way but in what capacity? I love working with and helping kids but to what extent? Where will my research begin? Where will it end?

Maybe I should be easier on myself because when I think about it, a month ago from today was so different for me. I was working a job I hated and not even thinking about going back to school.

I try to focus on the present moment but it gets harder each time I remember my goals. I want to learn patience.

I want to release control.

When it comes to money, finding a job or a place, I have no issue releasing control. But when it comes to school and work, I feel solely responsible for making everything happen.

Getting accepted into [redacted] means so much to me. I'm not sure if I've ever wanted anything as bad as this. I've gotten so much clarity and confirmation since making this decision it is laughable for me to have any doubts about it.

I've put so much hope and energy toward this and I know what's left to do.

I am realizing that the same way I crave instant gratification with food, I do with success as well.

I want the journey to go from A-Z overnight and that's just not going to happen.

I am entering my next cycle, my next chapter but not the end.

I will be secure and on the right path toward chasing my dreams.

I will not lose sight of the woman I want to be as I am becoming her.

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